Hey. I'm gonna get right to it and tell you all about what I think were the biggest pop culture incidents of the decade. Plenty of bums, breakdowns, public battles, and [boobs!] to come. So enjoyjoy, DSDarlings.
1. Nipplegate
Oh... right, NSFW. Oops?
But honestly, folks. Anyone that saw this will remember it forever. I'll go as far as to say that they'll remember exactly what went through their mind exactly when they saw it. [Boobs!] And also, "Why is her nipple so shiny?" And don't forget, "Wait... what?"
To a 13 year old watching the Super Bowl, this was approximately 232.87% more of a big deal than seeing a Girls Gone Wild commercial when you were up past your bedtime watching South Park.
To a 13 year old watching the Super Bowl with their family, this was approximately 848.23% more awkward and cringe inducing.
In the end, I wasn't really too mad. I'd be dumb to complain about the situation. [Boobs!] Unfortunately, because there are people that will get mad at everything, the next day all the news stations were making it seem as if they had cancelled the game and staged a massive Jackson 5/N*Sync orgy. This would be okay with me if these groups showed some consistency, but I've heard Becky, The Whisper Song, and Poke Her Face several times on the radio and seen Nicki Minaj's Jurassic Park lookin ass Vagina through her pants more than enough times to show me that any complaints about this incident were just for the sake of having something to complain about. If I had children, I'd personally rather they see a partially clothed titty for a fraction of a second than sing along in the car, "Put some mayonnaise on your child."
2. The Chris Brown/Rihanna Incident
When I first heard that this happened, I was sure it was a rumor. Growing up with West African women and fighting my sisters as a child and early teenager, I was simply baffled on how Rihanna could possibly have gotten got by a hoe ass punk like Chris Breezy. Let it be known that I am not jumping on any sort of bandwagon. I'm still a Dr. Dre fan. And please believe that if Pharrell Williams beat on someone, I'd still be his number one fan. [It's a problem. I've already addressed this.] That being said, I've always hated this dude. Everything but Run It and Poppin. And even those got Played Out After a while.
Like [Lil']Bow Wow, when the novelty of being young wore off, Chris Brown fell off the map. I mean, that might be an unfair example as Bow Wow plummeted to his death Mortal Kombat style. But honestly, dude is like a jank Usher.
Speaking of Mortal Kombat, did you see ole girl's face? He even bit her! And to make things worse, dude's trying to act hard after the whole incident, but at the same time going around and crying about the situation. It's going to be hard for him to redeem himself in 09', but if it comes out that he was the one that leaked those Rihanna nudies[Boobs!], he's already taken a step toward the light in my book.
3. Anything Kanye West has Ever Done In Public Other than Concerts
Don't get me wrong. I love the man to death, but he acts like your bad little cousin whose mom gave up on spanking him. First there was the original Kanyegate. This dude called out the president of the United Muhfucking States of America.
From there, he learned that he could get away with doing outrageous things like this for publicity and then proceeded to brutally rape and alabama hot pocket the concept of shock value throughout the decade. Anytime he didn't win an award, the man absolutely loses his shit. [If he isn't acting in that last video, may God bless his DSDear soul.] He also smacked the mess out of a paparazzi.
Finally, he decided to go out with a bang, Kanyegate 2. Absolutely shitting all over Taylor Swift's life at the VMA's. [I apologize, but footage is nowhere to be found on Youtube.] Personally, I don't think this was that big of a deal for several reasons- it was Kanye... we should be used to it by now, the VMA's aren't really a legitimate awards show, Taylor Swift is not an important human being, and finally, because she reacted like a punk. Any reasonable person would have taken their mic back and been like, "Anyways...."
I still love you, Yeezy. Do what it does.
4. The Michael Jackson Trial
I don't think he did it. I think Michael was a strange ass man, don't get me wrong. But having a bad childhood can make you think certain things are acceptable that seem strange in the public eye.
If I [hypothetically speaking, of course] raped some kids, I damn sure wouldn't say they slept in the same bed as me on live television. I mean, that entire interview where Martin Bashir lived in his house for weeks while pretending to be his friend then went to ABC and told everyone the man was a psycho was out of line. The world did MJ real sheisty and he probably died an unhappy man because of this situation.
Some people think Mike is the greatest because of his music. I used to. After the trial I knew he was the greatest because rather than getting rotten eggs thrown at him, a man that was accused of being a pedophile had effing doves released as he left the courtroom.
What did R. Kelly get?
5. Britney's Degeneration into a Batshit Insane Double Baby Mama
I can't really write much about this because I was way more of a Christina fan from the jump and I'm biased to this day. [I may be 100% Nigerian by blood, but I think my soul is 15% Latino]
Instead, I'll let the pictures do the talking.
Almost Made the Cut
Trust, this list was not exhaustive. Some close calls were the Kellz Trial, Tiger Woods's snitching ass harem, the Britney and Madonna VMA kiss, Vanessa Hudgens nudies[Boobs!], Cassie vagoo nudies[Excellent], Tribe Called Quest incident[The Lupe Fiasco... get it?], Xtina's "Bad" phase and last but not least...
Was Weezy F'in Baby.... literally?
1 comments:
LOL @ was "Weezy F'in Baby...literally?" -- that was the best
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